Anonymous asked: Maybe if I get skinnier he'll love me.
Your body is not a house that you have to clean up before guests come. Your body is yours and yours alone. If he doesn’t love you, then he doesn’t love you. Your body is not the offering or the deal you make, okay? I know that feeling, that thought process. Maybe if I just lost the weight, I’d be lovable. Stop it in its tracks. You are the most important person in your life. Love yourself more than the idea of being good enough for someone else. You are a force of nature, okay? Be here. In your body. You’re allowed.
She is not “my girl.”
She belongs to herself. And I am blessed, for with all her freedom, she still comes back to me, moment-to-moment, day-by-day, and night-by-night.
How much more blessed can I be?"
This is one of the most freeing statements I have seen in a while
Critics’ Reactions to the Jaime/Cersei Rape Scene in Episode 4.3 of Game of Thrones
"I wonder, then, if the rape was on some level a misguided attempt to give Cersei even more pathos, a la the convenient backstory rapes that have become depressingly common on prestige TV (and Scandal)…I wonder if TV Thrones‘s writers just have a tendency to change problematic book sex scenes into clear scenes of unconsensual sex.” - Hillary Busis, Entertainment Weekly
“Game of Thrones has a rape problem.” - Kevin Spak, Newser
"In the original depiction, Jaime never says “Why have the Gods made me love a hateful woman?” — a line that the TV show added in, which in context makes Jaime look like an abusive rapist (the gods made me do it!)”- Darren Franich, Entertainment Weekly
Jaime forced himself upon Cersei despite her demands to stop. “It’s not right,” she cried, to which Jaime snarled, “I don’t care.”…we can never unsee that godawful scene. - Leanne Aguilera, E! Online
"If this scene really just is a miscalculation in direction (and potentially the writing of Benioff and Weiss, neither of whom have yet commented on it) and doesn’t get any payoff later in the season, then it truly deserves all the criticism it has been receiving.” - Terri Schwartz, Zap2It
The director who shot the scene and the man who acted in it both believe it wasn’t necessarily nonconsensual sex— an attitude that isn’t totally surprising in a society that’s deeply confused about what constitutes consent, and that doesn’t always recognize sexual violence for what it is. -Tara Culp-Ressler, ThinkProgress
So then Jaime … well … no other way to put this, really. He rapes his sister beside their corpse of their murdered son. This is the same guy who protected Brienne from a similar fate last year. - James Hibberd, Entertainment Weekly
"…the show’s overall treatment of women as disposable objects onto whom physical and emotional violence are relentlessly enacted. Sexual violence is so pervasive on the show that nearly every woman on the show has been raped or threatened with rape. The show, and the books, reveal the disturbing and cavalier facility with which rape becomes a narrative device.Rape is used to punish. Rape is used to make a woman more sympathetic or to explicate their anger or other unlikable qualities. Rape is used to put women in their place.” -Roxane Gay, Salon
"The entire scene in the sept was an exercise in Cersei’s belittlement. She watched her father degrade and dishonor (albeit truthfully) her firstborn’s legacy and then manipulate her youngest into serving as his marionette. Then, on the floor next to the body of her dead son, the only man she’s ever taken into her confidence abused that trust in the most vile way imaginable.” - Hillary Kelly, The New Republic
"A giggling dead body would have at least taken our attention away from, you know, the raping." - Johnny Brayson, wetpaint
"Whether the show meant it to come across that way or not, what we saw was a rape.” - Erik Kain, Forbes
"The scene, which has Cersei pleading “stop it” repeatedly and struggling against Jaime, appears far from consensual." - Margaret Wappler, Los Angeles Times
In the show there’s no other way to interpret it as unambiguous rape. Jaimie isn’t loving when he tries to have sex with her in the show, he’s shown as being angry and hateful, cursing her for being a wicked woman. There’s no point in the scene on the show that we can see Cersei consent, which makes the whole scene significantly different from the book. Some readers have pointed out that the rape in the show is damaging for Cersei’s character arc since she had to endure the marriage to Robert Baratheon in which he essentially engaged in marital rape, Her consensual sex was always with Jaimie who made her feel safe. Jaimie raping her in the show completely destroys their relationship and destroys the trust she has in Jaimie leaving her without anyone. - AJ, the Digital Times
The rewritten scene also takes away all of Cersei’s agency. In the original text, Cersei chooses to have sex with Jaime, grotesque as it and the setting may be — because she wants to, or because she uses sex to manipulate, it doesn’t matter. Cersei has power and control. The scene in the show deprives her of all of that. - Amelia McDonell-Parry, The Frisky
His response is not to stop loving her, not to stop believing that he is victim to the gods. Instead, Jaime rapes his sister, passing that sense of unendurable pain on to her. He must know that this is the worst possible way that he could hurt her. Jaime knew that Robert raped Cersei, and in the novels, he wanted to kill Robert for it. Not only does raping Cersei remind his sister of her repeated, humiliating violation, Jaime is poisoning their own relationship, the thing that had been Cersei’s antidote to the miseries of her marriage. It is an exceptionally cruel thing for Jaime to do. - Alyssa Rosenberg, Washington Post.
It’s hard to shake the idea that Game Of Thrones, the show, doesn’t see a problem with pushing a scene from complicated, consensual sex to outright rape. It would be easier to accept that idea if it were clear what the show was trying to do with those changes. - Sonia Saraiya, AV Club
If Graves intended to depict consensual sex in the end, he completely failed. This wasn’t even one of those terribly clichéd scenes where a man starts raping a woman only to find that she comes around to thinking it’s hot. Cersei is still kicking and protesting when the camera cuts away. It’s as straightforward a rape scene as you’ll get on TV, unless you buy the ridiculous myth that a woman can’t be raped if she’s consented to sex with a man before. - Amanda Marcotte, Slate
This isn’t the first rape scene in Game of Thrones—far from it. And there’s been controversy over the show’s use of rape before. But what makes this scene the most upsetting one yet is that the director didn’t realize he was filming a rape scene…Whether or not the creators intended this to be a rape scene is irrelevant; they made one anyway. And worse, they made one that encourages the most dangerous thinking about rape imaginable. - Laura Hudson, Wired
"How will victims of sexual assault be affected when a director and actor in one of television’s most popular shows questions whether no really means no?" - Eliana Dockterman, Time Magazine
I’ll go ahead and say it: Jaime Lannister has become a rape cliché. He’s the boss, like every other on-screen rapist we’ve ever seen. - Hayley Krischer, Salon
"I’m not opposed to shows depicting sexual violence, but rape-as-prop is always distressing…Rape and abuse have consequences for the victims who carry those traumas with them. While I don’t know exactly how the show will depict the aftermath of Jamie raping Cersei, GoT does not have a strong track record of acknowledging or exploring the lingering effects of surviving sexual assault." - Margarey Lyons, Vulture/New York Magazine
"I can’t think of any comparable defense for the rape scene in "Breaker of Chains," which feels like a naked and ill-conceived attempt to push Game of Thrones into even darker territory. …I’m concerned that Game of Thrones has made a mistake it can’t take back — and one that sets a troubling precedent for the show’s future.” - Scott Meslow, The Week
The Game of Thrones Rape Scene Was Unnecessary and Despicable….The fact that showrunners might be asking us to overlook this for the sake of character development is downright insulting and says a lot about how we treat victims, especially the ones who come off as unlikable. - Madeleine Davies, Jezebel.com
Is “Game of Thrones” Obsessed With Sexual Assault?…Frankly, there are some weeks when “Game of Thrones” doesn’t seem worth the effort. - Sam Adams, IndieWire
Why I stopped watching Game of thrones. This is not the first time the tv show actually removed consent from sex. It’s not just showing the sexual assault in the book it’s creating it for drama.
fifteen things I would tell my younger self
- You should write your grandparents.
- That your dad is the most amazing man you’ll ever meet. They don’t make them like him anymore. Build a relationship with him early.
- That “nice” is boring. Be bold and assertive. Most importantly, be honest. Nothing more, nothing less.
- That the world has so, so many more layers than the parameters of a small town high school. There is much more gray than black and white.
- You don’t always have to have an opinion. Just listen sometimes.
- That you are worth a million times more than the love/attention/lust of a boy.
- You deserve to know about your body, and you deserve to talk about it and everything that goes along with it.
- You are capable of everything.
- That your heart will be broken, and love will seem very, very distant, and opening yourself up again to someone will be very, very hard. And that’s ok. You’re trying.
- Stop being so indecisive. Seriously. You’re killing me here.
- Don’t be afraid to walk away from people who aren’t good for you.
- Think critically and deeply often, and be very open about this.
- Tell your brother you love him. Stop trying to be his mom.
- Love your body early, and tell it that you love it often. You only get one. Be kind.
- Know yourself, and be true to it.
"I am growing out my hair to teach myself
patience. I am going to cut it to teach
myself loss. On my best days I still don’t
always get out of bed. New York, we have
to stop meeting like this. I would have
texted you sooner but cabs at three a.m.
But boys who don’t mind if I don’t always
smile like I mean it. But the rain and I
don’t always have an umbrella. Everything
is an excuse, so who are we kidding? If you
write me a poem, I’ll probably make out
with you. No, I am not drunk. I just want to
see your naked elbows. I just want to
dye my hair an unacceptable color and
become a totally different person."
"And that’s the problem: A generation of romantic comedies rewarding men for diligently pursuing a woman until she caves has normalized a behavior that has direct and unwelcome corollaries in real life. In an era when we’re having open conversations about representation and sensitivity in comedy, the shtick of a guy who won’t take no for an answer has lost any charm it once held. It’s become either a romantic signpost to set up a long-term romantic dynamic (which it shouldn’t), or it’s shorthand to denote a clueless creep while rarely taking him to task for it."
The Full Boyle: Guys who don’t hear “no” just aren’t funny anymore - Genevieve Valentine (via theashleyclements)
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."
Norman Cousins (via observando)
My professor leaned forward on the desk, hands grasping opposite elbows. He peered over thick, dark frames, taking us in. His reddish beard grazed his bare arms, exposed by his navy blue sweater being pushed up and past his elbows. We were wrapping up a discussion on David Foster Wallace’s “Transcription of the 2005 Kenyon Commencement Address”, our final DFW piece to read in class. The course had grown darker in it’s progress, despite the sun finally beginning to creep out from behind her winter captor. In his final summary of Ayn Rand’s ideologies and contrasting those with Marilyn Robinson’s “Gilliad”, his stood upon resounding words of bleak hope - “we then must build our community out of our mutual incompetence” - as we had, as a class, guided by his gentle tongue, discovered that were were all inherently bad, and that true goodness, true selfless, true awareness is not an actuality. But that wasn’t the end of his spiel. Finally, he aimed to open up Wallace’s own life, after we as a class had moved through the sequence of his writing, watching his patterns, concluding that this piece, his most recent, was, of all the three (“Getting Away From Being Away From It All”, “The Devil Is A Busy Man”, “Transcription”) the most optimistic.
"It was a mere six years ago, on 2008, that he….and I struggle to even fully comprehend this, still…" He paused, swallowing, catching his breath, reforming his sentences. "His wife came out into the garage, where he would work, and she, she…she saw him found…no, goddamn. She found his fucking body. Hanging there in the garage."
We were aware of this as a class, as one of our peers had let the forbidden piece of information slip between her lips, preluded by a hasty, “spoiler alert”. Still. We were 54 seconds over the clock. I could see my peers itching to pack away their books and rush off into their next class. Life is a fast paced board game, see. You wait, you listen, you make your next move. But board games, even though they’re for more than 4 players at a time and ages 12+. are really self-centered games. You never pay attention much to the other person’s move unless it’s directly impeding your way to the finish line. Inherently, we are selfish. And even mourning the loss of a life can, though tragic, inflict little emotion if it’s getting in the way of your trip to your next class.
Today, my social networks were speckled with memorials, with updates and profile picture changes from years ago, all with a lovely blond girl. Verbs were used in the past tense. “Was, were, loved.” The familiar feeling of a communal loss struck me. I felt the familiar softness of the atmosphere. A need for everyone to say something, and yet have it mean little. “She was beautiful; I didn’t know you very well, but; A life gone too soon.” Place holders. These aren’t the grieving, the suffering. The true pained hide away. They bury themselves away from the social media, for every time her name is mentioned is another stab, a tightening of the throat, a re-loss of rational thought. The others are the informers to the second and third parties, the ones who don’t know. They are the suppliers to the gossipers, to the curious. They are the breeders of emotion in others who did not know the name of the girl yesterday or the day before. Who may have stumbled past her drunkenly on Thursday, who may have sat next to her in class. “No,” you say, “you would’ve known her. She had this presence, see. She was bold. She was more.” And then they go on with their day, but differently. Everything is more tense, even waiting for the toast to pop, hipbones pressed into a countertop hurt more. The two minutes seventeen seconds that it takes for the toast to darken are hellishly long. They’re bare moments that give them a time to think about her again. How she liked her toast darker.
I didn’t know her. Though, I might have passed her a thousand times, she might have passed me a red cup at a party in the early weeks of September. I might have sat in the seat behind her in chemistry 210, wondering how she could possibly maintain such a fantastic appearance at 10am. But I didn’t know her.
And yet I mourn with the community. We are all the same. A community of mutual incompetence. I feel the ache of a loss, though I haven’t lost. I wonder why.
In his essay, Wallace gives an anecdote of two young fish to commence his speech, who happen across an older fish, greeting them with, “Morning, boys. How’s the water?”, which leaves the two fish puzzled. They look at each other after some time has passed and ask, “what the hell is water?” He goes on, to criticize our own self-absorption stating,
"everything in my own immediate experience supports my deep belief that I am the absolute center of the universe; the realist, most vivid and important person in existence. We rarely think about this sort of natural, basic self-centeredness because it’s so socially repulsive. But it’s pretty much the same for all of us. It is our default setting, hard-wired into our boards at birth. Think about it: there is no experience you have had that you are not the absolute center of. The world as you experience it is there in front of YOU or behind YOU, to the left or right of YOU, on YOUR TV or YOUR monitor. And so on. Other people’s thoughts and feelings have to be communicated to you somehow, but your own are so immediate, urgent, real."
I didn’t know the girl. But I exist in the world she left behind, that Wallace left behind. He concludes his speech with,
"The capital-T Truth is about life BEFORE death. It is about the real value of a real education, which has almost nothing to do with knowledge, and everything to do with simple awareness; awareness of what is so real and essential, so hidden in plain sight all around us, all the time, that we have to keep reminding ourselves over and over:
"This is water."
This is water.
"But remember, there are two ways to dehumanize someone: by dismissing them, and by idolizing them."
David Wong (via thedapperproject)